Distractions
by Ayrton
Summary: Vila wants to know why Avon rescued them from Horizon instead of taking the Liberator to a safe haven and live a life of luxury. The answer to that might surprise you!


_Warning for mild slash. _

* * *

_DISTRACTIONS_

Vila had never seen Avon drunk and even now he wasn't really sure that his chess partner was in fact intoxicated. Soma was a tasteless substance - that's why Vila preferred to mix it with sweet adrenaline- and Avon had no reason to assume that the glass Vila had offered him contained something other than water.  
The only indication that Avon might be affected by the drug was the fact that he'd become very quiet in the course of the game, subdued almost. He hadn't said a word since he'd finished his first drink and had allowed Vila to babble on in the hope that the other might not notice how nervous he was. Avon was a suspicious man by nature and Vila had never ever seen him let his guard down; especially not with a member of the crew.  
The effects of the alcohol were evident when Vila noticed that Avon was making mistakes in the game. He decided to pop the questions before the man would sink into the pleasant equivalent of a coma.

"So, why'd you come back for us?"

Avon looked up with a look of mild confusion on his face, as if he wasn't quite sure why he was on the flightdeck. The fact that he didn't snarl at Vila to mind his own business, gave the thief the courage to continue.

"Why didn't you just leave and live happily ever after? You had it all: the ship, more money than you can spent in a lifetime, ORAC...,if it were me I probably would have run."

Avon gave the thief a long look and Vila halfway expected him to doze off but instead the tech spoke in a calm and matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"I'd be stark raving mad within a month."

For a moment Vila thought he was joking but one look at the man proved that Avon was serious. No hint of sarcasm, no sign that he might take the thief's head off for daring to pry into his psyche.

"Why would you go mad? Compared to the others here with their harebrained schemes, you're the sanest person on the bloody ship."

"That's why I stay." Avon explained, his eyes on the chessboard, not really acknowledging Vila's presence. He was talking to himself. "The ship keeps me occupied. Blake's schemes are a distraction. I need distractions. I _need_ to keep my mind occupied."

One had to admit that of all the reasons to fight for the good cause, this was an novel one. Vila had never really analyzed his own reasons for staying with Blake. Mostly because there simply wasn't a great deal of time to do your pondering, what with all the pursuit ships hunting them. Truth was that Vila liked Blake. He guessed he owed the man his allegiance for getting him out of Cygnus Alpha. To a certain extend of course. Vila had no intention of risking his life for Blake's cause.  
He guessed that if he was truly honest with himself he'd have to admit that Avon was also one of the reasons why he stayed with this motley crew. The man had a keen instinct for self preservation and Vila figured that if he stayed close to a man like that, he would probably live to grow old.  
He had actually gotten the surprise of his life when Avon had shown up on Horizon to rescue them. He had to know more to be able to determine how safe he would be around the tech in future.

"The Revolution _distracts_ you? "

"When I'm alone I can't stop thinking about her..." Avon stated and his voice dropped in volume to a mere whisper. "..about the way she must have died."

Vila froze.

Where was all this leading to? He almost regretted having started this. It was uncanny to see how the soma affected Avon. It had actually turned him into a normal human being. The fact however that Vila was clearly trespassing in the mind of a man that usually guarded his privacy like a watchdog, was very unsettling. What deep, dark secrets would the Alpha disclose in this state of intoxication?

Avon seemed to be sinking in a state of depression. He buried his head in his hands and began to massage his temple as if to rub away these awful memories that began to flood his brain.

"I ...don't actually know how she died and that's the worst of it. I keep having these nightmares about the torture...the blood and the screams...I can't make them go away."

Vila felt a lump in his throat and was unable to speak. He had never seen Avon like this and he didn't like it. This nagging little voice in his head told him he should utter some words of comfort, but he was still too stunned to be able to speak and Avon wasn't exactly the man one would put a comradely arm around if you valued your body parts.

"They killed her because of me." He said in a subdued voice and coughed away a small tremble before he went on. "Do you know what that means to a man to know that someone has died because of you?"

He looked up at Vila now and the thief wished he was in a different galaxy right now. The fact that Avon was confiding his innermost feelings to him was a phenomenon for which he was not prepared. Finally he managed to say: "Who was she?"

"Anna. Her name was Anna. The only one I have ever really loved.We would find a safe place to live but someone betrayed us."

"The Feds got to her as well?"

"_Before_ me. They tortured her to find out where I was hiding."

Vila's mind was overloading with all the questions he wanted to ask but was afraid to. Instead he reached for Avon's glass of soma -his third- and drank.

The thief didn't like the way his scheme was working out. Sure, he wanted to unravel the mystery of why Avon had come to the rescue when they were all capture on Horizon, but he hadn't meant to get a peak into the man's undoubtedly dark and dangerous psyche. All he'd wanted was a cheerful, talkative, slightly drunk computer tech who would satisfy his curiosity. Not the one sitting across from him now; sad and depressed, prey to memories and nightmares. No wonder the man was an insomniac.

For a moment there, Vila was afraid that Avon might actually start sobbing, but he was relieved when the tech got to his feet, swaying slightly.

"I think I might actually be able to sleep tonight." He said and left the thief alone for the remainder of his watch.

I

Only minutes after Avon had returned to his cabin, there was a knock. The door slid open to reveal the inquisitive face of Roj Blake. He took in the ruffled look of his computer tech; hair tousled, eyes bloodshot. The big man smiled and entered the room without waiting for an invitation.

"Did he buy it?" He asked.

Avon looked at him with his usual blank expression. His voice steady and sharp when he spoke.

"Of course he did. You can continue your charade as fearless leader."

Blake moved in on the smaller man and slid his arms around him to draw them into an embrace.

"And you can continue being a royal pain in the ass."

"O, I will."

Blake felt Avon's hands on that particular part of his anatomy and kissed him.

A kiss that would always sent a pang of guilt through Avon's heart, but he knew that soon Blake's actions would unleash other senses in his body that eventually got the upper hand. Blissfully brief moments that made him forget the pain and the numbness in his heart and above all; made him forget what he so desperately longed for.

Anna.


End file.
